Dreams and stress
I just exited a streak of around ~100 work hours in nine days. It has been quite high stress level in general and intense periods of focus. It is fascinating how the body enters a high alert state and how I have been able to function in a state of sleep depravation with sometimes down to 4 hours per night. But today, when I finally lowered my guard and rest mode activates, I was unable to stay awake at all. The mental realisation that the crunch is over for now, takes a bit of time to process into a physical realisation. It is a damn nice feeling though when it happens.
Back in 2017 I went through a six month burn-out sick leave. That period is one of the best things that has happened to me after my wife and kids. I am truly grateful. I learned to listen and interpret my body´s signals so much better. That’s why I am not too worried anymore when I go through tough crunch periods. When you know exactly where your limits are, you can approach them safely and even touch them. That skill is invaluable to me now. I have a lot of warning signals and protection systems that keeps me safe. The two most important ones are 1) dreams and 2) journaling and they are both strongly correlated.
During the most intense burnout phase I was having terrible nightmares every single night without exception. I woke up with my teeth grinded and muscle aches. Over a period of months and during rest, the dreams gradually transitioned away from nightmares and back into something normal (if you can ever refer to a dream like that). For some reason I started writing when I discovered the recurring nightmares. I made a calendar and prepared a journal that I wrote in every morning (I still write daily in 2024). After a couple of months writing in my “dream journal”, I started to note trends and patterns, which I could connect to certain activities during the previous day. Action and Consequences. When I indulged in some inappropriate activity, the nightmares returned. And when I led my life properly, they vanished.
I rarely have nightmares today. But I have noted very clearly that my dreams in general are highly correlated with my body´s stress level. When I am too stressed, I am never able to remember my dreams in the morning. I can’t for my life write anything in the dream journal because it is nothing left in my memory when I open my eyes. I am sure you can recognize this feeling. On the other hand, when I am in balance and leading a proper life, I find it very easy to remember my dreams in the morning and write them down when I wake up. Consequently, dreams have become my canary in the coalmine.
My burnout almost feels as if I was granted superpowers. However, I was also very lucky that I pulled the ejector seat in time. Had i soldiered on for a while back in 2017, I might have started to create irreversible damage. Other people I tell my burnout story to do not agree with my gratefulness. They’d rather remove the burnout from their lives if they could. Whereas I compare its value with my wife and kids. Quite the discrepancy… I would guess that these people might have waited longer than me to pull the ejection handle. Perhaps too long. And when you are going down the spiral into the drain, the vortex moves faster the further you go down in it. That is why a week or even a day can make a big difference when you are on the edge. It becomes exponentially worse and that makes these things extremely dangerous and must be treated with respect. Unfortunately, it takes a lot more time to repair than to destroy something.
I hope you can use the dream and journalling technique to equal success that I have. And now, I shall simply enjoy my crunch break for a couple of days.