Failure is not allowed
Image by grunzibaer from Pixabay
“I cannot learn that”, “That is impossible” or “I don’t have the talent” are some of the excuses I have come across as reasons why people do not pursue things that they themselves desire. I suspect this is related to the doctrine in our society that failure is not allowed. Here’s an example I often use: How would you rate yourself on your ability to drive a car on a scale from 1 to 10 where 10 is the best? There are two ways to answer this question and the answer is determined by your reference points. If you accept the doctrine that failure is not allowed, you should use Lewis Hamilton, Ayrton Senna or Michael Schumacher as the reference. Consequently, your driving ability is 1, no matter who you are. Expect the same result if you compare your singing skill to Pavarotti, your cooking skill to Gordon Ramsay or your scientific ability to Einstein. The elite, unfortunately, seems to be the most common reference point. The other way to answer this question – the one I prefer – is to compare yourself to everyone else, not just the elite.
I asked a good friend of mine about his driving ability a while ago, and he is the best driver I know by the way, and his answer was 7 or 8. This proves that he used the second mindset. His passion is cars and riding with him in an M3 round the Nürburgring in wet conditions is something I will never forget. He has also worked as a test driver for one of the great manufacturers. It is fair to say he is a very good driver. But even so, if he would compare himself to the F1 elite, he would still be a 1 on the scale. That’s why we need to include everyone in our comparison. First, many people do not have a car or driver’s license, which means that anyone who has at least some experience of driving cannot rate 1. If you have driven accident free and safe for 10-20 years, wouldn’t that qualify you as a decent driver in the middle of the scale?
In mathematical terms, the two mindsets described above are like comparing a Pareto distribution to a normal distribution. And the comparison is valid in any creative domain. In a Pareto distribution an infinitesimal elite will completely dominate the playing field whereas the absolute majority stack up at zero. In a Normal distribution however, most will stack up in a big lump in the middle, with extremes to both sides. The truth is, there are just as many extremely bad drivers as there are F1 drivers. I am not arguing that the Pareto/”failure is not allowed” mindset is wrong, because it is certainly useful if you are aiming to become an F1 driver! What I am arguing however, is that the vast majority are not aiming to become F1 drivers and thus the normal distribution mindset is a wiser choice.
When focusing on the average instead of on the extreme, you realize that anyone can learn a language, how to paint, how to sing or play a musical instrument (so called “impossible skills”) to at least a decent level. And that is often enough. Yes, the extremely bad learners cannot do any of the above but remember that they are just as rare as F1 drivers. It is not a valid excuse. And don’t get any unrealistic dreams of reaching the elite level in any domain unless you possess exceptional talent AND work exceptionally hard. You need both. Exceptional talent is completely worthless if you don’t sacrifice the required thousands of hours and >80-hour work weeks for many years. Whenever I pick up a new skill, I always compare myself to the normal distribution. In one year, the 15 minute/day approach I have described in previous blogs equates to about 100 hours of hyper-focused practice. Just imagine how far that will take you in any direction. By using the normal distribution as reference point, your growth will be obvious. To the elite, 100 hours is nothing, but to the average it is an eternity. The feeling of growth is rewarding, and it gives you fuel to carry on. If you use the Pareto mindset, growth will be almost invisible, and it will feel like you aren’t growing at all.
The question is: Which mindset do you use?