Love

Image by Ylanite Koppens from Pixabay

In my last blog I wrote about Opportunity cost and how every decision you say Yes to will take you down a new timeline and closing more doors than you open. In this blog I will present my thoughts on the most important Opportunity cost of all – love. Your choice of life partner is without a doubt the decision that will affect your life outcome to the highest degree. When you choose a timeline with a life partner, you also close the doors on the timelines with all the other potential mates. It also defines the continuation of your bloodline, i.e. your family tree. I have found it frustrating that a lot of people seem to spend more time thinking about which cell phone they should buy next, than to decide who they should spend the rest of their life with. At least that was what my past self did.

A relationship is often something that “just happens”. But when I met my future wife in 2015, I had changed my perspective and started to look at it as an active choice. Previously I had been struggling for many years, clueless, chasing something that I hadn’t defined. However, the answer had been within me all the time and after several months of reflection I came to the following simple conclusion. I wanted 1) To get married, 2) to have kids and 3) to live in a villa in the North of Sweden. See what I just did here? These three constraints effectively closed the door on more than 99 % of all potential wives in the world. And the problem just became well defined and a lot easier to solve. I will never forget the night when this realization was integrated in my being. The 1st of February 2015. I realized it in the evening, and I was so happy that I couldn’t sleep at all that night. I was just smiling so hard and then the alarm clock went off and I got out of bed again and went to work. It has never happened to me before, nor after. And sure enough, it was only a matter of days later, until I met my future wife and my current timeline began.

I do not believe in the Hollywood version of “the right one” out there. There are billions of people in this world and about half of them are female. This means that there is not just one “right one” out there for me but probably thousands of potential wives with whom I could have had a meaningful relationship. With my three constraints the number shrinks drastically. I would suspect primarily because of the geographical restriction. In one of the very first dates I told my future wife about my three constraints and if she does not accept them, we will end this here and now and that is non-negotiable. Otherwise, I am all in. Her reply after a quick consideration was, “Yes, but we shall have dogs too”. The deal was closed. I have always wanted to have dogs, but I was too afraid because I did not want to restrict my ability to go on adventure travels with my motorcycle. However, it was now time to let go of that adventurous past and settle down once and for all. And now, I cannot imagine a life without dogs, they bring so much value. It is a scary thing to do for sure, but I sincerely believe this is how first dates should be done. It saves a lot of suffering. Just imagine having this discussion for the first time five years into the relationship and your partner reveals that she doesn’t want kids, but you do. Such a relationship was doomed from the start and you have wasted each other’s time.

In 2018 we got married and got our second Labrador, in 2019 our son was born and we moved to the house of our dreams. It is now way better than I could ever have imagined in my wildest dreams. I do a grateful prayer first thing every morning and every night before I go to sleep. I am absolutely convinced that it could not have been achieved without the severe constraints introduced by both of us, from day one. It is like the old saying that you should not have a Plan B because it only takes focus away from Plan A. But even more important is the fact that this timeline I did not just happen.

It was a choice. And she chose me.