Retro LAN party
“Error: Keyboard not detected. Press F1 to continue or DEL to enter setup”. This is not a joke. It is a brilliant real-world error message that I got this Saturday during our retro-LAN while running four Windows 98-powered battle stations. What a magnificent weekend, to meet up with four very old friends for a trip down memory lane. Gaming together on period correct hardware in a single room. Easily one of the funniest things I have done in about two decades.
Why on earth would anyone spend hundreds of hours over a period of about two years restoring old Windows 98 computers/E-waste? Because I loved every second of it. Repairing and restoring are such rewarding activities! And in hindsight, after the Retro LAN ended, I am fascinated by how insanely unreliable these old machines are. I knew it was going to be bad, so I was very well prepared. For four people, I had prepared five battle stations and two extra retro laptops, so seven machines in total. That should be enough as a backup for hardware failure. I was expecting at least one machine to fail on the first day because of software error – to the degree that a format C: and reinstall of windows was necessary. Consequently, I had prepared a USB dock on a modern machine with image files of fresh Windows 98 installations so that I could restore them to pristine condition in a matter of minutes as soon as one of the battle stations died. Drum roll… three out of four machines died to the degree that they could not boot again, on the first day.
The first machine to die was my own, when I accidentally selected the screen resolution 1600x1200 on my 4k 27”. There was no “wait 15 seconds, and the previous resolution will be restored”. No, instead it changed the OS resolution to an unsupported mode because I changed it in a game… Unbelievable funny and stupid! Oh well, I had an image prepared and could restore it to working condition in a couple of minutes. However, the image file was too clean so I had to restore all the drivers, which took an hour. You have to reboot every single time you install a driver or change something in the OS. If you ever get the masochistic idea of building a retro machine, for the love of God, do make a lot of system images both before and after you have installed everything. Lesson learned.
The second machine to die was when my friend installed Command and Conquer for win95 and clicked the executable that starts the game. It insta-killed the machine. The screen went black and after a reboot, we got a boot error saying, “windows protect error”. And that’s it. Time for re-installation! Starting a game is a bit like Russian roulette, it seems.
The third machine to die, was keyboard and mouse related. We had connected a modern USB RGB keyboard to the machine, and it seemed to work perfectly. Until starting GTA2 that is. Then everything USB went black, never to turn on again. I suspect it might have something to do with the keyboard drawing a bit too much current. This was when we got the funny error message mentioned in the introduction. We managed to fix it by connecting an ancient PS/2 keyboard and mouse, however.
Compared with the extremely user-friendly computers we have today, the errors described above is analogous to having a button in your car that makes all four wheels fall off. Except that the button says that it is used for climate control or turning on a lamp or something similarly inconspicuous. But instead, it kills you instantly and wrecks the car. It is mind-boggling that the software programs are so unstable that a simple user input in a game setting, can prevent a whole system from booting.
Was it really this bad back in the days? One of my friends asked. We nodded and agreed. Yes, it was actually this bad back then. I reinstalled my computer so many times that I memorized the windows cd key and could do the reinstall blind-folded. The improvement in reliability and user-friendliness is perhaps even greater than the improvement in processing power 1998 vs 2023. It is mind-boggling how much better our devices work today. The only computer that did not die, was the oldest of the bunch. A Pentium 2 450, with a motherboard that has been lying on the floor of my father’s truck garage for the better part of two decades. It soldiered on, except a couple of mandatory BSODs. But BSODs is standard practice with Windows 98. It comes with the package.
But the best thing by far, was getting together with your old mates, and firing up those old games once again. It was easily >20 years since the last time. And once you get the games up and running, they seem to work OK (as long as you don’t touch anything settings-related). Just play and have fun. And oh boy, did we have fun. Quake 3, Red Alert 2, Starcraft and a splash of GTA2. What these old machines lack in reliability, they make up for 10X in pure laughs. There are no product placements or game updates. No DLC or pay to wins. Just pure action-packed gaming at its best. Simple fun with your friends.
I truly love these old machines and the joy they bring. Sure, you can play the retro games on emulators on modern hardware, even online if you want to, but it is not the same thing. It is like comparing a hardware analog synthesizer to a VST instrument model of the same synth. When you are on the edge, waiting for the machine to blow up at any second you feel more alive. And with no chance of using the modern internet, there are no distractions either. You are focused. I can’t wait to do this again. It is a truly unique experience.