Tread your steps carefully
Image by Laurette Chapuis from Pixabay
I will never forget the final couple of months when I was finalizing my PhD thesis for the print. Several years of extremely focused work was reaching its conclusion. And the thing I remember best is that feeling of “I understand this topic now!”, that you can only get when you are close to the finish line. Everything kind of snaps into place and it feels like you can write the perfect thesis. However, when you finally reach that stage, the time is almost up, so you will only be able to write a fraction of all your ideas. It’s a wonderful and frustrating paradox.
These past weeks I have had a very similar experience with a huge project as an acoustic consultant that has been going on for a year. It’s the most difficult project I have done to date and the finalized documents were uploaded tonight. When working with building acoustic projects, the final phase usually involves a big review period where every technical discipline reviews every other technical discipline to iron out the final errors and polish everything up before delivery. And it was this stage that felt so strangely familiar to my thesis writing a couple of years ago. When going through everything one last time in the project I found several things that felt like “How on earth could I write that?!” and “how could I make these completely obvious mistakes?!”. But the thing is, with a project that spans over a year, a lot of learning and growth will inevitably occur. A lot of knowledge will be gained. You won’t be the same person when you end the project that you were when it began. Yes, it is frustrating, but it is also the way of life. Of course, it feels obvious to me now that I have already solved the problems. I know the solutions. But I did not know them a year ago, or not even three months ago.
Either way, it must be infinitely better to do something badly than to not do anything at all. I read a book by John Cleese a while ago, and if I recall correctly, he went on a rant about how successful people do not know what they are doing. Those who know what they are doing will not become successful but stagnate instead. I liked that idea. It’s a variant on that real growth begins outside of your comfort zone. Stay in your comfort zone and your growth stagnates, but hey at least you will know what you are doing…
To stay in that place of maximal growth for sustained periods of time is very demanding. It literally feels like balancing on a razor thin edge and that you may fall at any second. If you manage to keep your balance, your growth will increase exponentially. But there will also come a time where enough is enough. I have hit that point now because you just can’t keep pushing with zero rest. A couple of years ago I was on sick leave for burnout syndrome, so I know very well what I am talking about here. Growth increases exponentially yes, but so does the speed that you will hit the ground should you stumble and fall on that razors edge. Going through that burnout is one of the best things that has every happened to me. I place the burnout on equal importance with meeting my wife and my two wonderful sons. I found out where my limit is – and I mean exactly where that limit is. That knowledge can be a superpower if used right. I know the exact signs when my body is telling me to back off and I am so grateful for that ability.
A couple of years ago I visited Iceland with some friends and we rented a 4x4 offroader and went to the highland. The terrain and nature up there can be very rough, with dangerous river crossings. We encountered an especially nasty river crossing one day and I decided that if I can walk across, then we can give it a shot. And if not, we turn around. I took some steps through the current and it was no problem at all. Several meters out into the stream. But as the water gets deeper, the current gets stronger and so does the water force pushing your legs. I went very slowly, one step at a time, judging my balance and safety. About one third across the river, I felt that with the next step, I will not have 100% control anymore. The current was getting too strong. It would have been very dangerous to keep walking. If you lose your balance in a strong river, fall, and get stuck, the current can pull you down and you may drown. Very dangerous! Needless to say, I did not take that next step but turned around and went back. And we made a U-turn and went the long way around instead.
That’s exactly what I feel tonight with regards to my work situation. Sure, I can take one more step, but I won’t be in complete control. And the current might drown me. No. Let’s find another way around instead.