You will never get any new old friends
Image by xaviandrew from Pixabay
Have you ever thought about which music that really makes your heart sing? I suspect most of us would say that it’s the music you grew up with that has a special place in your heart. I haven’t come across any music that speaks to my soul as strongly as the favorites from my childhood and teenage years, with a handful of exceptions perhaps. But the pattern is clear as crystal. The relationship with music that you acquire when growing up stays with you for the rest of your life. I realized this weekend that the same thing goes for old friendships. You can get new friends, but you cannot get any new old friends.
Last weekend I had one of the best nights of my life. I recently turned 40 years old and had prepared a sausage party/pajamas party with my oldest friends, some of which date back to when I was three years old at kindergarten. It’s been a long time since most of us saw each other. In some cases, several years! I think most of us get trapped in similar patters: With age comes more and more commitments and responsibility, and I know I am guilty of not taking care of my old friendships. Back in the days, I had almost no responsibilities beyond myself and could spend as much time as I wanted with friends. Nowadays, especially the latest years, that has dropped to close to zero. It’s a good thing we have even birthdays occasionally and remember to invest some time in celebration. Wife and kids went on a visit to grandma, so we had the whole house with premises to ourselves. I had arranged as many beds, sofas, and underlays as I could reasonably fit. The refrigerator was filled with sustenance, and I had booked a dinner table and a cake on the local restaurant. That’s it. We had no planned activities other than to spend 24 hours together. A perfect example of the K.I.S.S. principle.
Another thing that comes with age is the increasing understanding of mortality and that we won’t be around forever. On the top of the relationship list is family and then friends. But I know for a fact that it is possible to acquire friendships that are just as close as family, except the blood connection. If you don’t invest some of your time in your old friends, you will regret it for the rest of your life. Without a shadow of a doubt. We’re around the same age in my “gang” and it would be nice if the other guys decide to arrange some kind of celebration when it’s their turn. A couple of years ago we had a bachelor party with a similar gang, and one of us asked “Why don’t we do this more often?” Here ”this” implies to meet up and have fun for a day. The question is excellent. It DOES NOT have to be a wedding, an even birthday or whatever. Just pick a date and go for it. It’s worth it.
I just realized that one of the reasons this was so much fun could be the fact that we live in different cities. If you do something like this close to home, chances are that some of us will go home later in the evening. Honestly, it is way more fun to book the night as well and arrange a sleepover like I did. At first, I was considering whether I should rent a big place and invite everyone I know and throw a traditional party. That could have been a nice evening too. But my gut told me that I had to go for the old friends’ approach instead. Maybe it’s age-related wisdom on my part, but another factor is my very poor social performance for the past 5-10 years. I had a serious backlog, and I am so glad I finally did something about it. If everyone had a great time (which they did), chances increase significantly that something similar will take place in months and not years.
If you have read this far, please pull out your calendar and call some of your old friends, while you still have them. Book a date and meet up. You don’t have to decide on activity, just reserve a date and figure it out. You will not regret it. But you will regret not doing it, the day they’re gone. Trust me on that one. What on earth could be more important than taking care of your most important relationships?