Posts tagged family
Without hope, there can be no meaning

This is an image from the 1950’s of how they envisioned the future. It looks pretty awesome to me. I would also love a flying car. I think this image also is quite telling. How would a future vision look today? My first guess is doom and gloom. The trajectory is so different. This old picture can only be created with a positive mindset and hope. Without hope there can be no meaning. Society is so weird nowadays. When riding a motorcycle, the very first and most important lesson is that you go where you look. You control the bike with your eyes first and foremost. The same goes for civilisation. If our society is unable to come up with an equally nice picture of the future, where do you think we’re going to end up?

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Hands-free baby

I recently discovered how great baby carriers are. Our little girl is by far the clingiest one yet. Pacifiers hardly work but I have noticed that attaching her on my body and going about my business as usual seems to get the job done most of the time. It is kind of like getting a hands-free mode on your newborn, which can come in very handy. She even joined me at work this Monday for around two hours.

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Kid routines

Routines are critical for a successful life. They are the foundation upon which the house of your life is built. With a solid foundation, the house can endure tougher challenges than were it built on clay. When we got our first son in 2019, we had to build new routines. It took about two years to iron out everything. Then, son number two arrived in 2021 and all routines were blasted into smithereens, and we had to restart the routine building process for another two years. In about a week, it is time to destroy the routines once again.

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The best Valentine’s day

Yesterday was one of the best days ever. I had to take a full day and take care of my sick little two-year-old. Usually, me and my wife try to do some damage control by sharing it, but this time she was completely swamped, and I wasn’t, for the first time in forever. Previous days when I have attempted sick kid leave, I have always had to take some phone calls or listen in on some meeting on one ear. But finally, I could just let it all go for a day. It really makes a difference.

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Priorities

When consistency has been established in any domain, it becomes very difficult to break it. However, habits that are so perfectly chosen, that they should stay with you for life are few and far between. The very first habit that comes to mind is marriage. I cannot figure out any conceivable path that would be better in any way shape or form. There might be a handful more, and I can think of a couple of them that work for me personally, but I cannot think of anything more generally applicable. So how do you know when the time has come to ditch one or two of your habits?

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Fifteen minutes a day keeps the divorce away – pt II.

A month ago I wrote a piece about our newfound morning routine; A coffee between 06:20 and 06:30 with my wife. By now, we should be around two months into the habit. It’s not like I would consider our marriage problematic – not even close – but the general improvements in life quality I have seen in this very short time is mind-boggling. I read many years ago that some Buddhist monk or something said that the last thing you do before you go to bed determines the quality of your sleep. And the first thing you do after waking up determines the quality of your day. This quote has stuck with me and pops up in my mind from time to time. The morning coffee must be a perfect example of the latter part of the quote.

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There is no work-life balance

About ten years ago, I was the lead guitar player in a successful metal band called Meadows End. Playing on that level, including international tours, was something I had dreamt about since I was a little kid. A couple of thousand hours of hard work later I finally achieved my goal. The joy was unfortunately cut short. After only two albums, my life hit a fork in the road. I was writing my PhD thesis at the same time and had been under heavy stress for a long time. After many long conversations with my wife, and mental gymnastics on how to make it work even though it meant placing three suitcases (career, family and the band) in a baggage compartment that had room for two, I finally realized that I had to let go of one of them. That was the hardest decision of my life.

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Christmas Cancelled

Perhaps the best thing about the Christmas holidays is that pretty much everything stops. The email is silent. The phone is silent. It even got more silent than what we had planned. Our respective families are split between two cities separated by a 4-hour drive, and we take turns every other year on the 24th of December. This year it was Umeå’s turn. We were planning to head North a day or two later to celebrate “small” Christmas/New year instead with the other half of the family. Unfortunately, that didn’t come about due to illness and on duty work. That’s rather sad, but there’s usually a positive flip side to the coin.

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Don’t think, just dad

Last weekend I learned a secret dad technique. I have been working on a small IT central in our walk-in closet for a while, with a patch bay, router etc. Basically, the hub of our home network connecting all the rooms and buildings. I had a small shelf system that was supposed to carry a couple of devices, but it had been lying around for several weeks and it annoyed me more and more every time I put my eyes on the unfinished project. But this time, something snapped in me. I couldn’t stand looking at that mess anymore, so I simply grabbed my tools and ruthlessly started working. Meanwhile, our two sons and Labrador retrievers were busy tearing the home apart. It’s standard practice and the primary reason why the IT central was still unfinished. My wife was screaming for help, but I just replied, “No, that’s your problem now, I am busy” and locked the door. To say that it wasn’t popular, is a slight understatement. But sometimes you must make a choice. Take a hit now or suffer death by a thousand cuts. I chose the former. And it was a good choice.

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You will never get any new old friends

Have you ever thought about which music that really makes your heart sing? I suspect most of us would say that it’s the music you grew up with that has a special place in your heart. I haven’t come across any music that speaks to my soul as strongly as the favorites from my childhood and teenage years, with a handful of exceptions perhaps. But the pattern is clear as crystal. The relationship with music that you acquire when growing up stays with you for the rest of your life. I realized this weekend that the same thing goes for old friendships. You can get new friends, but you cannot get any new old friends.

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There is no place like home

The most frustrating thing about being an acoustician (for me) is the delay between you giving a recommendation to a client and the final result. This process typically takes several years. I have had many sleepless nights (metaphorically speaking) where I have thought about specific technical solutions like floor structures or junctions. And when I finally send my documents to be used for the construction of a building, that’s typically it. I never hear about it again, except for some control measurements at the building site in the best-case scenario. But I want to know how the final product turned out! Last week, I decided to do something about it and went on a road trip visiting eight of our dwelling projects.

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When to break the rules

Last weekend we celebrated midsummer at my parents and all the relatives. Our boys put big smiles on everybody’s face, but especially my grandmother, who now has great grandmother on her CV. She also celebrated her 90th birthday on Saturday which coincide with Midsummer, which is a big Swedish holiday, so we had a nice celebration. When the dinner was over, and it was bedtime for the little boys, 3-year-old Elis was nowhere to be found. We looked and finally we found him with great grandma, who had already gone to bed. She was watching TV and Elis had cozied up in the double bed sofa next to her. And when I told him it was time to go to bed he just said. No dad, I am sleeping in THIS bed and watch TV. Great grandma had zero objections. We don’t see each other that often because we live in different cities. I noticed the biggest smile I had ever seen, literally, on great grandma’s face, when she finally had the opportunity to just be together with him. This was clearly one of those occasions when rules had to be broken. I just laughed and said, OK, you sleep here that’s perfectly fine. I also noted that Elis eyes were very tired, and minutes later he was snoring. It was the best 90th birthday present ever.

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Take a walk

Last Saturday, I was going to take my dog out for a short night walk before we all went to bed. It was the last task of the day and everyone else had already gone to bed. Me and my dog were the only ones awake. We started walking towards the forest and everything was illuminated by a full moon, and the temperature was around zero degrees – very comfortable. Once my eyes got used to the moonlight, I didn’t really need my headlamp to see so I turned it off. We kept walking and after a short while we had entered a forest road with no houses or civilization in sight. The short walk ended up being the longest walk I’ve had in a long time. We just kept walking and I loved every minute of it.

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Prioritize and Execute

Life as a consultant can often feel overwhelming, and I have certainly felt just like that for a couple of months now. However, when things feel rough, I think about the books I’ve read by Jocko Willinck, where he lays out the concept of Prioritize and Execute. He tells stories from his war deployment where one of his teammates falls and is badly injured, while they come under assault and must deploy their machine gun instantly. At the same time, a thousand other things happen and there is only time to do a couple of them… I think you see where this is going. There is no way on earth that consultancy work can come even close to that pressure (even though it can feel like it). And still, Jocko and his team survived using the only method available. Rank-order the list of tasks that needs to be done and start to tick them off in order of importance. What else can you do?

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Career or Kids?

Tonight, when I was reading our daily bed-time story to my three-year-old son, my eyes teared up with joy. It is without a doubt the best part of my whole day and I am so grateful and blessed to have this daily routine. You have little kids for four years and then it’s GONE, never to return. And you miss it at your own peril because it is the literal definition of “peak life”.

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Everyone is a three-year-old

”Daddy, hug!!!” My three-year-old son yelled while running to me and gave me the biggest good-bye hug I have ever got in my life. I was about to leave on a job trip with a stay in the hotel. Just one night, no big deal. The tears started rolling down, mostly from overwhelming joy but also from sadness. Every single soldier on both sides were also somebodys three-year-old not that long ago. Somebodys brother, husband, friend, dad… I thought about what it would feel like if this was the last time I would ever hug my little boy. It gave me a glimpse into the reality of what thousands of Russians and Ukrainians are going through right now. And that’s all I can write tonight. I will pray instead.

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A simple Valentine’s Day

Last Saturday I finally tested positive and started acquiring my natural immunity. Knowing that everyone on the planet will get it sooner or later, I was relieved when the two lines showed up after inserting a tops half-way into my brain. So nice to just get it over with and leave this whole insanity behind us. The sickness has been a walk in the park. One of the mildest colds I have ever had. But the week was quite tough anyway due to the lack of sleep. My sleep account was already running dry, and when both boys got the fever and kept us up at night, the whole situation felt more like a bad hangover that went on for a week.

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Road trip

This last weekend I experienced freedom of a kind I haven’t felt in years. I went on a road trip with my 2,5-year-old son Elis and my Labrador Jussi. I had been looking forward to this trip and been prepping the whole week. Elis is now old enough that he is no problem at all to travel with. And he loves anything with an engine so long car journeys are pure fun. We would spend the night south of Luleå at my friend’s house. After a quick stop in Skellefteå where we both had a smoothie as a snack something unexpected happened, that made the road trip even more enjoyable. Around 21:30 Elis suddenly decided to replicate Gary´s puke scene from Team America in the front seat of my car.

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