Accelerate, it might work!

Image by Steve Buissinne from Pixabay

For a couple of months now, I have occasionally been a bit angry with myself, struggling to stay focused for prolonged periods of time. I have had this problem for as long as I can remember, and it does not serve me well. Well, there’s probably some kind of upside even to that, but I can’t think of it at the moment. However, I have found a quick fix for this problem that was blatantly obvious. I have put a small photograph of one of my sons on my desk, just below my computer monitor. That way, he will never leave my field of vision ever. And every time my eyes pass by, it puts a smile on my face and instantly guides me back to the right path again. As soon as my mind starts to drift, I look at him and remember that whatever I am thinking of, it is probably not as important as finishing what I am working on ASAP so that I will get a couple of more minutes with the family.

The photograph is a beat-up laminated print when he was just one year old, that I got from kindergarten. It is that age when they are so perfect that it can bring tears to your eyes just by thinking about it, with the prettiest smile I have ever seen. “Wasting time” in any form becomes insanely difficult when you have the most important person in the world judging you constantly. Why didn’t I fix this simple little thing long ago? I don’t really know, but I am so happy and grateful that I did. I was blessed with son no. 2 in 2021, and I don’t have a photo of him around now. I must fix that too. It’ll be a great feeling having both keeping an eye on me and making sure that I deliver my best. I should probably order a couple of very small size frames that can fit under a computer monitor. That’ll keep me in check.

I find it a bit strange that it can be so difficult to stay focused and prioritize correctly. I am convinced that I could probably deliver 10X my output should I be able to eliminate everything unimportant in my life and hyper focus constantly. The problem probably lies in that I haven’t yet understood and integrated the knowledge within me, regarding what is best for my kids and family. I mean, it is obviously not the wisest choice to spend every waking hour with them. Sacrifice is a necessity and the greatest sacrifice for me, is that I voluntarily pass on time that could be used for parental leave, in favor of my career. That is a tough choice if there ever was one. But crucially, it is a choice. And it will have consequences. I do know, that my current career path is infinitely much more in harmony with my personality traits and anyone who has experienced that, will understand what I am talking about. It’s like a lot of the friction goes away. But it will necessitate sacrifice. Forget about the 40-hour work week. You will need more, and then you will have to constantly balance on the razors edge about whether you should work 45, 50, 55, 60 or even 80 hours in a week. (Note: You will lose your family if you push too hard.) The sacrifice is worth it though. When I am doing meaningful work for 50 hours and get back to my family, I am a much nicer person to be around, compared to what I was ten years ago. The difference must be huge, although it is a bit hard to estimate that yourself. That is better left to others.

Last year, I was planning on putting my career on hold and going on serious parental leave. But economy gave me a reality check and instead I thought “**** it, let’s go all in instead.“ You can’t save your way out of a crisis, the only option is to increase your income. There is a limit to how much money you can save per month. But there is no limit on how much your income can increase. On the motorcycle race track we say “Gasa, det kan gå.” (Twist the throttle, it might work.) If you enter a corner too fast for comfort, a bullet-proof recipe for a crash is to touch the brakes. Consider that the radius of a motorcycle wheel becomes smaller, the more bike is leaning, and then you will realize that to simply maintain current velocity through a corner, you must twist the throttle to compensate for the shrinking wheel radius. Keeping a constant throttle through the corner is exactly the same thing as slamming the rear brake i.e. not good! On the other hand, if you increase the throttle you will shift the bikes weight balance to the rear wheel, which will increase the rubber contact patch with the road, increase ground clearance and consequently you will be able to turn in a lot harder. This is extremely counter-intuitive. Every cell in your body will scream at you to do the opposite. Your survival instincts can kill you. This thing with the economy is the same. Accelerate, it might work.

I wouldn’t be able to relax if I couldn’t feel secure that I can provide for my family, no matter what happens. And thus, I’d rather soldier on with an increased sense of security. By increasing the margins, I might be able to afford taking a parental day here and there without giving one single thought to other pressing matters. And that’s worth something. Quality over Quantity. Strange as it may seem, I also feel more relaxed now, when the world comes crashing down. It pushes me back on track towards what is really important. I can’t stand it when things get too safe and predictable around me. It can drive me nuts. And maybe, just maybe, that is precisely why I have felt angry with myself for my lack of focus? Wow. I didn’t think about that when I started writing this piece, but that is probably it. The tougher the times, the easier it becomes to prioritize.