Posts tagged parenting
Revisiting Minecraft with my son
Revisiting Minecraft with my son

I will never forget my first night in Minecraft. It is one of the defining moments in video game history. The sheer terror of trying to find a source of light and a roof over your head before the sun sets was epic. I didn’t succeed at first so I just dug a 1x1 hole in the dirt and hid inside it so the monsters couldn’t spawn with me or hurt me. That was when the game was still in alpha version. A lot has happened since then. But the game is still just as epic today, as those first days back in 2010.

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Computer, ParentingRikard Öqvistminecraft, parenting, father, gamingComment
Vacation crescendo
Vacation crescendo

The usual pattern again. Everyone wants to deliver important projects before the vacation and the final weeks up until the last Friday feels like a metronome that speeds up exponentially. Let us also throw a couple of urgent surprise problems that require you to drop everything and hyper-focus without interruption for 8 hours straight. No, we are not saturated enough, we also need sick kids that must go to the emergency room, dogs with wounds, and a computer that blows itself up in the middle of an important delivery. Then I went outdoors, the rain started pouring and I inhaled a mosquito and almost puked. What a wonderful day!

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Habits, Family, Parenting, DiaryRikard Öqvistpreparation, parenting, computers, mindfulness, focusComment
Quality time
Quality time

My oldest son (5yo) is a petrolhead and loves anything with an engine. That’s why I got the brilliant idea of using up a bunch of airline and hotel bonus points to book a father-son weekend in Stockholm. We would go on an airplane, buses, trams, trains, and metro. Those things that I usually couldn’t like even if I tried, but with petrolhead junior, just about any boring chore can be fun again. What a blessing it is to experience it all once again through him. We threw in a couple of museums and a zoo into the equation too.

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DiaryRikard Öqvistparenting, travellingComment
Tech-savvy kids
Tech-savvy kids

This weekend I had a big wow experience. I introduced my five-year-old son to Minecraft. I just put a gamepad in his hands, and a short time later, I glanced at the screen and stopped in my tracks. He had just built a little house with a kitchen and a library, with an additional lookout tower complete with an internal ladder to get to the top. To keep the monsters away, there were some bonfires and torches. The learning curve will never cease to amaze me. It is not too long ago that he was pushing the go pedal in Mario Kart straight into a wall. Fast-forward 1-2 years and he beats me. And now he’s creating things in Minecraft. Playing a first- or third-person game is more challenging than understanding a racing game. It is mind-boggling how fast it happened.

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Computer, Diary, ParentingRikard Öqvistminecraft, computer, gaming, parentingComment
The best Valentine’s day
The best Valentine’s day

Yesterday was one of the best days ever. I had to take a full day and take care of my sick little two-year-old. Usually, me and my wife try to do some damage control by sharing it, but this time she was completely swamped, and I wasn’t, for the first time in forever. Previous days when I have attempted sick kid leave, I have always had to take some phone calls or listen in on some meeting on one ear. But finally, I could just let it all go for a day. It really makes a difference.

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ParentingRikard Öqvistfamily, parenting, dad, relationship, kidsComment
Physical meetings will never be replaced, pt II.
Physical meetings will never be replaced, pt II.

Last Saturday we threw a surprise 40-year anniversary party for an old friend. At the event, I met a whole bunch of my old friends. The wise saying that “you will never gain any new old friends” comes to mind. Anyway, let’s elaborate further on last week’s topic of physical vs online meetings. An event like this is the definite proof of how irreplaceable real social interaction is.

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Diary, ParentingRikard Öqvistfriends, friendship, time, kids, parenting
The apprentice beat the master
The apprentice beat the master

Today I got my ass handed to me in Mario Kart on the Nintendo DS by my 4-year-old son. I knew this milestone would come sooner or later, but honestly, I wasn’t expecting it so soon. Even though I had chosen Bowser, who´s kart was supposed to be the fastest one, I could only win one race out of five. And I won it by a tiny margin, courtesy of the almighty blue shell. I did not “play nice” either. I gave it all I had, but I just couldn’t keep up with the little guy. It was a weird and amazing feeling at the same time. I have never been so satisfied by losing at something.

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ParentingRikard Öqvistnintendo, parenting, kids, techComment
Home = Vacation
Home = Vacation

A common conception regarding vacation is to travel somewhere. To change your everyday environment for something else. I used to think exactly that way for most of my adult life, until we moved to our house. Now, I want to go on vacation to go home, which is the precise anti-thesis to my previous stance. There is no place on Earth I would rather want to be than home. How did that happen?

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Diary, ParentingRikard Öqvistvacation, home, parenting, travelling, road tripComment
Rules for thee but not for me
Rules for thee but not for me

To be a good father, i.e., a proper role model, is exceptionally difficult. I have been thinking hard about some very difficult questions for the past month or so, and it feels as if my brain is about to melt. As I observe my boys growing up, I am obviously worried about some of the destructive elements of western culture that they will encounter sooner or later. The best wisdom to follow here is of course “practice what you preach”. The kids couldn’t care less about what I tell them to do if I don’t act it out myself first.

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Parenting, PhilosophyRikard Öqvistparenting, father, kids, addiction, screen timeComment
Fifteen minutes a day keeps the divorce away.
Fifteen minutes a day keeps the divorce away.

A couple of weeks ago, me and my wife introduced a good habit. Between 06:20 and 06:30 we enjoy a fresh cup of coffee together. At this time, the sun has just risen above the sea, bathing everything in golden light while the boys and dogs are sleeping. There is zero chance that you will be interrupted by a phone call or an email or just about anything. Those ten minutes per day will add up incrementally over time to something very special. A relationship is the sum of 10 000 atomized tiny actions.

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Diary, Parenting, Philosophy, HabitsRikard Öqvistroutine, ritual, habit, marriage, children, parenting, relationshipComment
The easiest decision I have ever made
The easiest decision I have ever made

What is the red line that turns you into an alcoholic? This question implies that there is a healthy level of consumption that has zero or positive effect on your total life outcome. Maybe there is such a thing, I do not know. I have been thinking a lot about these questions in the past months, and not just with alcohol but with any activity that can become an addiction. I like to use alcohol as my primary thought experiment, because I embraced a complete booze celibacy in early 2019. And I base that decision on that I cannot conceive any way, shape or form that my total life outcome improves because of alcohol consumption. No matter how I approach the subject, I come out with the same conclusion; that I am better off – all things included – by abstaining.

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Food & Drink, Parenting, PhilosophyRikard Öqvistdrugs, addiction, parenting, alcoholComment
Accelerate, it might work!
Accelerate, it might work!

For a couple of months now, I have occasionally been a bit angry with myself, struggling to stay focused for prolonged periods of time. I have had this problem for as long as I can remember, and it does not serve me well. Well, there’s probably some kind of upside even to that, but I can’t think of it at the moment. However, I have found a quick fix for this problem that was blatantly obvious. I have put a small photograph of one of my sons on my desk, just below my computer monitor. That way, he will never leave my field of vision ever. And every time my eyes pass by, it puts a smile on my face and instantly guides me back to the right path again. As soon as my mind starts to drift, I look at him and remember that whatever I am thinking of, it is probably not as important as finishing what I am working on ASAP so that I will get a couple of more minutes with the family.

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ParentingRikard Öqvistfocus, parenting, priorities Comment
Christmas Cancelled
Christmas Cancelled

Perhaps the best thing about the Christmas holidays is that pretty much everything stops. The email is silent. The phone is silent. It even got more silent than what we had planned. Our respective families are split between two cities separated by a 4-hour drive, and we take turns every other year on the 24th of December. This year it was Umeå’s turn. We were planning to head North a day or two later to celebrate “small” Christmas/New year instead with the other half of the family. Unfortunately, that didn’t come about due to illness and on duty work. That’s rather sad, but there’s usually a positive flip side to the coin.

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Diary, ParentingRikard Öqvistfamily, parenting, rest, teambuildingComment
The closest thing to seeing the face of God
The closest thing to seeing the face of God

We were just about to leave for Christmas celebration this past Saturday, when my soon to be 4-year-old son shouts out “Wait dad!” and runs off back into the house to our two Labrador retrievers. First the old one got a big hug and a “Merry Christmas Gibson!” and then the 2nd dog got an equally big hug and a “Merry Christmas Jussi!”. And then he tells me “Dad, we must give chewing bones to the dogs because it is Christmas eve, and they should also get gifts.” I was so surprised by this spontaneous display of love and couldn’t stop laughing and smiling because it was one of the cutest things I have ever seen. It was so nice of him, and I was not expecting it at all. But he had it all figured out. That’s one of the coolest (and scariest) things with kids. They are always at least one step ahead of you. I.e., they always understand a lot more than what you think.

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Diary, Philosophy, ParentingRikard Öqvistchildren, love, parenting, growthComment
Scheduling accidents
Scheduling accidents

About two weeks ago, my three-year-old son broke his left index finger in an accident at kindergarten. The little guy went to the hospital and got patched up with a plaster. Two weeks, and then re-check was the verdict. Usually, he is like the Duracell bunny, which I solve with physical activity, especially biking. Now, however, he is temporarily disabled from our usual energy burning activities, and that means excess energy. A lot of excess energy. We could perhaps put him on a treadmill connected to the power grid and let him single-handedly solve Europe´s energy crisis. That’s why I realized quickly after he came home with the plaster, that this thing will not last two weeks. I’d be impressed if it would last the day. This, in combination with teaching an intensive university course, is a recipe for disaster. It’s very difficult to change the course schedule on short notice. My past self however, has been taking good care of us. When I scheduled the course, I added not one, but two reserve bookings in the end just in case. Tomorrow I am heading to the hospital for the second time to re-make the plaster which came off again. I would be beyond stressed right now if it weren’t for those reserve slots. Now I feel inner peace instead.

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Parenting, Habits, EngineeringRikard Öqvistscheduling, parenting, work, consulting, planning, pessimism Comments
A lesson from physical labor
A lesson from physical labor

Last Saturday I spent digging around 15 meters of network cable in the ground. The only thing that remains now is to make a wall pass-through and install some wall outlets in the houses and then finally, all our houses are hard-wired with cat6 cables. It’s something that I have been waiting to do since we moved here, to get rid of the shaky Wi-Fi connection. But you must always rank-order your work and it took me four years to execute more important priorities before I could start solving this simple but highly annoying problem. And it felt so good to put it all back together. When I was done, it really struck me that there are few things that feels more satisfying than to complete some proper physical labor, to the degree that you can raise the “mission accomplished” sign.

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Diary, Parenting, PhilosophyRikard Öqvistparenting, work, exercise, scheduling, planning, productivityComment
Through the eyes of a three-year-old
Through the eyes of a three-year-old

features, but the Carl Zeiss lens is still a very good lens. Thus, with the right person operating it, it can still produce some seriously beautiful pictures, even if it has limited monetary value today. My son has been showing interest in photography for a long time. On our forest walks, he stops me all the time and tells me “Dad, you must photo that” on just about every flower we pass. I think I have most of the Swedish flora in my iPhone by now. So, I thought to myself; Three-year-old Elis will probably have a ton of fun with it. Why not give this old high quality compact camera to him and see what he comes up with? I couldn’t stop smiling when I was glancing through the SD card when he was done with it.

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Parenting, Art, PhotographyRikard Öqvistkids, parenting, dad, camera, photography, photoComment
The purpose of writing
The purpose of writing

This is the 140th week that I publish a blog post and I have finally figured out why I am doing it. I had no clue when I started what the purpose was, but I always knew it would come to me eventually. That, and the fact that I have become a better writer compared to three years ago, which is a useful skill no matter how you look at it. I am writing these blog posts to my kids. It is a one-way communication from my past self to them when they (perhaps) read this in a couple of decades from now. By summarizing the most important ideas I have been thinking about the past week, every Monday evening, the project has now become a journey. And a kind of time-machine, which now makes it 10X more enjoyable.

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ParentingRikard Öqvisttime, parenting, dad, father, writing, kids, childrenComment
Just do it!
Just do it!

A couple of days ago, me, my three-year-old son and my dog decided to put up a tent and spend the night outdoors. Easily the best decision this year. We simply put up the tent on our backyard. It doesn’t have to be more complicated than that. I had the best nights sleep in a long time. It is amazing how much the environment affects your sleep. The sound of clashing waves paired with singing birds is as natural as it gets. Combined with the sunset and sunrise you have your alarm clock figured out as well. I haven’t felt more alive in ages.

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ParentingRikard Öqvistcamping, parenting, dad, kids, dogsComment
Upkeep vs Improvement
Upkeep vs Improvement

For the past couple of years, I have been working on a little project; to restore an old disused Tennis court. The journey has been a bit shaky at times, but tonight I made a giant leap forward when I finally got my surface cleaning equipment up and running and managed to clean about 70% of the surface in a day. The total area is about 600 sqm, so it is quite a big undertaking. It felt so good to fire up the pressure washer with the surface cleaning attachment and see the grime and dirt just flow away, once again revealing the vivid colored playing surface that had been gone for so long.

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DiaryRikard Öqvistpriorities, parenting, tennis, cleaning, restorationComment