Posts in Parenting
Revisiting Minecraft with my son
Revisiting Minecraft with my son

I will never forget my first night in Minecraft. It is one of the defining moments in video game history. The sheer terror of trying to find a source of light and a roof over your head before the sun sets was epic. I didn’t succeed at first so I just dug a 1x1 hole in the dirt and hid inside it so the monsters couldn’t spawn with me or hurt me. That was when the game was still in alpha version. A lot has happened since then. But the game is still just as epic today, as those first days back in 2010.

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Computer, ParentingRikard Öqvistminecraft, parenting, father, gamingComment
Vacation crescendo
Vacation crescendo

The usual pattern again. Everyone wants to deliver important projects before the vacation and the final weeks up until the last Friday feels like a metronome that speeds up exponentially. Let us also throw a couple of urgent surprise problems that require you to drop everything and hyper-focus without interruption for 8 hours straight. No, we are not saturated enough, we also need sick kids that must go to the emergency room, dogs with wounds, and a computer that blows itself up in the middle of an important delivery. Then I went outdoors, the rain started pouring and I inhaled a mosquito and almost puked. What a wonderful day!

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Habits, Family, Parenting, DiaryRikard Öqvistpreparation, parenting, computers, mindfulness, focusComment
Hands-free baby
Hands-free baby

I recently discovered how great baby carriers are. Our little girl is by far the clingiest one yet. Pacifiers hardly work but I have noticed that attaching her on my body and going about my business as usual seems to get the job done most of the time. It is kind of like getting a hands-free mode on your newborn, which can come in very handy. She even joined me at work this Monday for around two hours.

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ParentingRikard Öqvistbaby, father, love, familyComment
Tech-savvy kids
Tech-savvy kids

This weekend I had a big wow experience. I introduced my five-year-old son to Minecraft. I just put a gamepad in his hands, and a short time later, I glanced at the screen and stopped in my tracks. He had just built a little house with a kitchen and a library, with an additional lookout tower complete with an internal ladder to get to the top. To keep the monsters away, there were some bonfires and torches. The learning curve will never cease to amaze me. It is not too long ago that he was pushing the go pedal in Mario Kart straight into a wall. Fast-forward 1-2 years and he beats me. And now he’s creating things in Minecraft. Playing a first- or third-person game is more challenging than understanding a racing game. It is mind-boggling how fast it happened.

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Computer, Diary, ParentingRikard Öqvistminecraft, computer, gaming, parentingComment
The best Valentine’s day
The best Valentine’s day

Yesterday was one of the best days ever. I had to take a full day and take care of my sick little two-year-old. Usually, me and my wife try to do some damage control by sharing it, but this time she was completely swamped, and I wasn’t, for the first time in forever. Previous days when I have attempted sick kid leave, I have always had to take some phone calls or listen in on some meeting on one ear. But finally, I could just let it all go for a day. It really makes a difference.

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ParentingRikard Öqvistfamily, parenting, dad, relationship, kidsComment
Physical meetings will never be replaced, pt II.
Physical meetings will never be replaced, pt II.

Last Saturday we threw a surprise 40-year anniversary party for an old friend. At the event, I met a whole bunch of my old friends. The wise saying that “you will never gain any new old friends” comes to mind. Anyway, let’s elaborate further on last week’s topic of physical vs online meetings. An event like this is the definite proof of how irreplaceable real social interaction is.

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Diary, ParentingRikard Öqvistfriends, friendship, time, kids, parenting
The apprentice beat the master
The apprentice beat the master

Today I got my ass handed to me in Mario Kart on the Nintendo DS by my 4-year-old son. I knew this milestone would come sooner or later, but honestly, I wasn’t expecting it so soon. Even though I had chosen Bowser, who´s kart was supposed to be the fastest one, I could only win one race out of five. And I won it by a tiny margin, courtesy of the almighty blue shell. I did not “play nice” either. I gave it all I had, but I just couldn’t keep up with the little guy. It was a weird and amazing feeling at the same time. I have never been so satisfied by losing at something.

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ParentingRikard Öqvistnintendo, parenting, kids, techComment
Home = Vacation
Home = Vacation

A common conception regarding vacation is to travel somewhere. To change your everyday environment for something else. I used to think exactly that way for most of my adult life, until we moved to our house. Now, I want to go on vacation to go home, which is the precise anti-thesis to my previous stance. There is no place on Earth I would rather want to be than home. How did that happen?

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Diary, ParentingRikard Öqvistvacation, home, parenting, travelling, road tripComment
How to get 1% more of something that has infinite value
How to get 1% more of something that has infinite value

The most invisible form of wasted time is doing a good job on an unimportant task. This quote comes from James Clear, and I like it very much because it hits so close to home. When doing a good job, I usually feel good or even great afterwards. Hence, it becomes very easy to soldier on without much afterthought. The key issue here is how to determine what is an important or unimportant task. For that, I think you need some kind of judgement. And I have never had any better judges than my kids.

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Philosophy, ParentingRikard Öqvistfather, children, focus, prioritiesComment
Rules for thee but not for me
Rules for thee but not for me

To be a good father, i.e., a proper role model, is exceptionally difficult. I have been thinking hard about some very difficult questions for the past month or so, and it feels as if my brain is about to melt. As I observe my boys growing up, I am obviously worried about some of the destructive elements of western culture that they will encounter sooner or later. The best wisdom to follow here is of course “practice what you preach”. The kids couldn’t care less about what I tell them to do if I don’t act it out myself first.

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Parenting, PhilosophyRikard Öqvistparenting, father, kids, addiction, screen timeComment
Fifteen minutes a day keeps the divorce away – pt II.
Fifteen minutes a day keeps the divorce away – pt II.

A month ago I wrote a piece about our newfound morning routine; A coffee between 06:20 and 06:30 with my wife. By now, we should be around two months into the habit. It’s not like I would consider our marriage problematic – not even close – but the general improvements in life quality I have seen in this very short time is mind-boggling. I read many years ago that some Buddhist monk or something said that the last thing you do before you go to bed determines the quality of your sleep. And the first thing you do after waking up determines the quality of your day. This quote has stuck with me and pops up in my mind from time to time. The morning coffee must be a perfect example of the latter part of the quote.

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Habits, Parenting, PhilosophyRikard Öqvistfamily, routine, mornings, sleep, relationship, marriage, loveComment
Fifteen minutes a day keeps the divorce away.
Fifteen minutes a day keeps the divorce away.

A couple of weeks ago, me and my wife introduced a good habit. Between 06:20 and 06:30 we enjoy a fresh cup of coffee together. At this time, the sun has just risen above the sea, bathing everything in golden light while the boys and dogs are sleeping. There is zero chance that you will be interrupted by a phone call or an email or just about anything. Those ten minutes per day will add up incrementally over time to something very special. A relationship is the sum of 10 000 atomized tiny actions.

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Diary, Parenting, Philosophy, HabitsRikard Öqvistroutine, ritual, habit, marriage, children, parenting, relationshipComment
The easiest decision I have ever made
The easiest decision I have ever made

What is the red line that turns you into an alcoholic? This question implies that there is a healthy level of consumption that has zero or positive effect on your total life outcome. Maybe there is such a thing, I do not know. I have been thinking a lot about these questions in the past months, and not just with alcohol but with any activity that can become an addiction. I like to use alcohol as my primary thought experiment, because I embraced a complete booze celibacy in early 2019. And I base that decision on that I cannot conceive any way, shape or form that my total life outcome improves because of alcohol consumption. No matter how I approach the subject, I come out with the same conclusion; that I am better off – all things included – by abstaining.

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Food & Drink, Parenting, PhilosophyRikard Öqvistdrugs, addiction, parenting, alcoholComment
Self-solving problems and pleasant surprises
Self-solving problems and pleasant surprises

Last week I had a couple of sound measurements planned in Eskilstuna and Uppsala. However, just a couple of days before departure, I realized that I had forgotten to book a hotel. In big cities, that is usually not a problem, but in a smaller city like Eskilstuna it is quite possible that all the rooms run out on a given night. And that is precisely what happened to me. I found one room left on a place called Thottska Villan, about 20-25 minutes from the city centre. When you consider that you park in front of the entrance, I am not convinced that I even lost any time. But when I arrived on site, I was blown away by what turned out to be jackpot as far as hotel nights go.

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Diary, Parenting, Travel, MusicRikard Öqvistroad trip, travelling, hotel, surprise, expectationComment
Accelerate, it might work!
Accelerate, it might work!

For a couple of months now, I have occasionally been a bit angry with myself, struggling to stay focused for prolonged periods of time. I have had this problem for as long as I can remember, and it does not serve me well. Well, there’s probably some kind of upside even to that, but I can’t think of it at the moment. However, I have found a quick fix for this problem that was blatantly obvious. I have put a small photograph of one of my sons on my desk, just below my computer monitor. That way, he will never leave my field of vision ever. And every time my eyes pass by, it puts a smile on my face and instantly guides me back to the right path again. As soon as my mind starts to drift, I look at him and remember that whatever I am thinking of, it is probably not as important as finishing what I am working on ASAP so that I will get a couple of more minutes with the family.

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ParentingRikard Öqvistfocus, parenting, priorities Comment
There is no work-life balance
There is no work-life balance

About ten years ago, I was the lead guitar player in a successful metal band called Meadows End. Playing on that level, including international tours, was something I had dreamt about since I was a little kid. A couple of thousand hours of hard work later I finally achieved my goal. The joy was unfortunately cut short. After only two albums, my life hit a fork in the road. I was writing my PhD thesis at the same time and had been under heavy stress for a long time. After many long conversations with my wife, and mental gymnastics on how to make it work even though it meant placing three suitcases (career, family and the band) in a baggage compartment that had room for two, I finally realized that I had to let go of one of them. That was the hardest decision of my life.

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Engineering, Diary, Acoustics, ParentingRikard Öqvistfamily, career, goals, teaching, music, bim, civil engineeringComment
Christmas Cancelled
Christmas Cancelled

Perhaps the best thing about the Christmas holidays is that pretty much everything stops. The email is silent. The phone is silent. It even got more silent than what we had planned. Our respective families are split between two cities separated by a 4-hour drive, and we take turns every other year on the 24th of December. This year it was Umeå’s turn. We were planning to head North a day or two later to celebrate “small” Christmas/New year instead with the other half of the family. Unfortunately, that didn’t come about due to illness and on duty work. That’s rather sad, but there’s usually a positive flip side to the coin.

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Diary, ParentingRikard Öqvistfamily, parenting, rest, teambuildingComment
The closest thing to seeing the face of God
The closest thing to seeing the face of God

We were just about to leave for Christmas celebration this past Saturday, when my soon to be 4-year-old son shouts out “Wait dad!” and runs off back into the house to our two Labrador retrievers. First the old one got a big hug and a “Merry Christmas Gibson!” and then the 2nd dog got an equally big hug and a “Merry Christmas Jussi!”. And then he tells me “Dad, we must give chewing bones to the dogs because it is Christmas eve, and they should also get gifts.” I was so surprised by this spontaneous display of love and couldn’t stop laughing and smiling because it was one of the cutest things I have ever seen. It was so nice of him, and I was not expecting it at all. But he had it all figured out. That’s one of the coolest (and scariest) things with kids. They are always at least one step ahead of you. I.e., they always understand a lot more than what you think.

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Diary, Philosophy, ParentingRikard Öqvistchildren, love, parenting, growthComment
A good conversation
A good conversation

Monday evenings is writing night for me. I’ve been doing it for several years straight. And still, here I am, half past eleven when I should been in bed long time ago, blogging together this week’s piece. For some reason, I often end up in “talking mode” with my wife on Mondays, which is easily the worst day of the week to sit down and talk. Because I know that it is my sleep hours that will fuel the conversation. On the other hand, you will be hard pressed to find anything more meaningful way to spend your time than deep conversations with your wife. And thus, it is probably a price worth paying.

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Diary, Parenting, PhilosophyRikard Öqvistflow, conversation, marriage, kids, habitsComment
Scheduling accidents
Scheduling accidents

About two weeks ago, my three-year-old son broke his left index finger in an accident at kindergarten. The little guy went to the hospital and got patched up with a plaster. Two weeks, and then re-check was the verdict. Usually, he is like the Duracell bunny, which I solve with physical activity, especially biking. Now, however, he is temporarily disabled from our usual energy burning activities, and that means excess energy. A lot of excess energy. We could perhaps put him on a treadmill connected to the power grid and let him single-handedly solve Europe´s energy crisis. That’s why I realized quickly after he came home with the plaster, that this thing will not last two weeks. I’d be impressed if it would last the day. This, in combination with teaching an intensive university course, is a recipe for disaster. It’s very difficult to change the course schedule on short notice. My past self however, has been taking good care of us. When I scheduled the course, I added not one, but two reserve bookings in the end just in case. Tomorrow I am heading to the hospital for the second time to re-make the plaster which came off again. I would be beyond stressed right now if it weren’t for those reserve slots. Now I feel inner peace instead.

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Parenting, Habits, EngineeringRikard Öqvistscheduling, parenting, work, consulting, planning, pessimism Comments