How to get 1% more of something that has infinite value
Image by scott payne from Pixabay
The most invisible form of wasted time is doing a good job on an unimportant task. This quote comes from James Clear, and I like it very much because it hits so close to home. When doing a good job, I usually feel good or even great afterwards. Hence, it becomes very easy to soldier on without much afterthought. The key issue here is how to determine what is an important or unimportant task. For that, I think you need some kind of judgement. And I have never had any better judges than my kids.
Every single day is filled to the brim with choices. You must constantly decide which way to steer at any given moment. The biggest game-changer after becoming a father is the shift in perspective that follows when you put someone else above yourself. I want to do what I can to make my boys surpass me, and frankly that shouldn’t be too hard considering how clueless I was up until 2015 thereabouts. With age comes wisdom (hopefully) and when looking back at some of my previous choices I am somewhat ashamed of how stupid some of them were in hindsight. It is amazing how easy it is to rationalize stupid actions without a proper aim and direction. I consider it my number one priority as a father to lead by example and show the kids what a happy marriage looks like. So that they can have an even better marriage themselves, preferably at least ten years earlier than I did.
A thought experiment that I have found extremely useful these past months is that every time I come across a choice that is not obvious, difficult and that evokes a non-pleasant feeling in the gut, I run the following script. Do I wish my boys to act the same as I do now, when they encounter the same situation some years or decades from now? If there is the slightest feeling of discomfort here, well there you have your answer. It can be choices that are very tempting to go after, at least in the short term. Here’s where I take a short mental break and back off. Can I look my boys in the eyes and tell them the following? Do this action, I highly recommend it. I want you to do it, it will make your life better. I must not allow myself to go after a certain choice unless I can provide a solid argument to defend the choice. And certain choices I am so far unable to provide an argument in defense of. If you recognize the internal conflict, I am referring to here, kind of like the little angel and demon on each shoulder telling you which way to go, you can also try and run this thought experiment and let your kids act as judgment. They are quite harsh judges, and I find that useful. Do not think for a second that I consider myself particularly impressive in the domain of self-control. Quite the contrary. I am rather frustrated with myself sometimes when I think about how little of my true potential I am bringing forth into the world. I am scratching the surface and it feels as if I am currently utilizing 10-20 % of my total capacity.
A couple of weeks ago I was having a bath with my boys, swimming, playing, and goofing around in a pool together. My wife observed us, and later that night she told me how proud she was of me being such a good father and referred to the pool session earlier. That is a great, great compliment if there ever was one. But I also looked at it judgmentally. I know exactly why she said what she said, and I know why the boys had so fun. It was because I was 100% absorbed by the activity; I was there, both in body and spirit. My thoughts were precisely where they should be, for a short while in that pool. And then it hit me like a sledgehammer on the head. If I made wiser/better choices overall, I would be able to enter that state more often and for longer periods of time. Time, the most precious commodity of all. Sessions like those when playing around with the kids are the definition of peak life. I cannot imagine anything that beats it. The kids are small for four (4) years and that’s it. Run the numbers, and you will see that it is a small handful of weeks together. I am not arguing for parental leave here, although it probably helps. I am arguing for the importance of focus. Quality over Quantity. Get 1% more of something that has infinite value, it sounds rather tempting, doesn’t it? It can be done. If I must work over-time to complete a task, chances are that the task could have been completed earlier in the day had I only made better choices before. That’s one evening with your wife and kids that is lost forever. And that is also why it is dangerous to do a good job on an unimportant task. For us engineers, it is in our DNA to do an exceptionally good job when we commit to a task. We are often perfectionists. And consequentially, it becomes exceptionally dangerous to approach unimportant tasks. Thankfully, the challenge can be mitigated with practice. On the racetrack, I have noted that when I have a problem with a specific corner, the solution is often to reduce the entry speed about three corners earlier. This lesson works wonders in all areas of life. If you often find yourself facing choices that give that unpleasant feeling in the gut, a simple trick is to change your environment so that the probability of facing the crossroad is diminished. If you want to lose weight – make sure there is no ice cream in the freezer.