The easiest decision I have ever made
Image by Lorraine Cormier from Pixabay
What is the red line that turns you into an alcoholic? This question implies that there is a healthy level of consumption that has zero or positive effect on your total life outcome. Maybe there is such a thing, I do not know. I have been thinking a lot about these questions in the past months, and not just with alcohol but with any activity that can become an addiction. I like to use alcohol as my primary thought experiment, because I embraced a complete booze celibacy in early 2019. And I base that decision on that I cannot conceive any way, shape or form that my total life outcome improves because of alcohol consumption. No matter how I approach the subject, I come out with the same conclusion; that I am better off – all things included – by abstaining.
When I was young and especially during my university studies, my alcohol consumption was very high and without a doubt far beyond the hypothetical healthy level (if it exists). I wouldn’t call myself an alcoholic, because any problems or damage I have inflicted on myself or those around me by my drug use pales in comparison to what happens in the case of severe alcoholism. One thing that might indicate that I don’t have a severe problem is that I have never taken a so called “återställare” (i.e. a drink the next day to mitigate any potential hangover). With a severe case of alcoholism, I suspect that the person would not be able to stop drinking under any circumstances until there was no more booze to be found. When I am presented with potato chips, or chocolate or whatever, I lack self-control and keep eating until there is nothing left, or I start to feel sick. I can see some similarities with having a beer in my hand. It felt quite nice, and when it was empty, I grabbed another one. But I did stop when I felt sick and I did not go to great lengths to acquire more if I ran out.
As I got older, I had a gradual reduction in my consumption over the years. A lot of it came from the fact that I experienced my hangovers to be more severe with age. Another thing that changes with age is that you usually take on more and more responsibilities. Thus, your time becomes increasingly precious. When I was young, I could just order a pizza and stay in bed watching movies or whatever while waiting for the hangover to go away. No responsibilities. Today, the mere thought of me lying in bed with a headache for a whole day is incomprehensible. So, maybe my hangovers aren’t worse today. Maybe I just value time a lot higher now. It just hit me, that my physical shape is also better today than ever before, and thus it is perhaps possible that in reality, my hangovers could be less severe nowadays?
That brings us back to the question of the hypothetical healthy consumption level. One (1) glass of a great wine accompanying a nice steak (Oh God, I do miss that), can that really be harmful? It is not just the hangovers that has killed alcohol for me. Another and perhaps even stronger factor, is my perceived impaired judgment when under the influence. You usually converse with other people while drinking. I have lost count of how many times I have “missed” a good comeback in a conversation because it came to my mind a couple of milliseconds too late to be injected into the conversation. Or that I haven’t chosen the exact right words to convey my message and ideas, resulting with the other person coming off with an impression about me I did not intend. It feels like under-clocking the CPU in my head, or perhaps like temporarily losing 5-10 IQ points. The importance of this cannot be overstated. It has severely frustrated me for years. And I can indeed feel this effect after just one (1) glass. Hence my current zero-tolerance.
When I became a father, I thought about what it would feel like if I would have a conversation with my child and the aforementioned situation would transpire. And that sealed the deal. Under no circumstances will I find myself in a position where I am not 100% in control of my own thoughts, when communicating with the most important person in my life. It’s the easiest decision I have ever made. An interesting byproduct is that the opposite effect now often occurs when conversing in situations where alcohol is consumed. Instead, I now feel a little bit smarter and quicker in the conversation.