Posts in Parenting
Don’t think, just dad

Last weekend I learned a secret dad technique. I have been working on a small IT central in our walk-in closet for a while, with a patch bay, router etc. Basically, the hub of our home network connecting all the rooms and buildings. I had a small shelf system that was supposed to carry a couple of devices, but it had been lying around for several weeks and it annoyed me more and more every time I put my eyes on the unfinished project. But this time, something snapped in me. I couldn’t stand looking at that mess anymore, so I simply grabbed my tools and ruthlessly started working. Meanwhile, our two sons and Labrador retrievers were busy tearing the home apart. It’s standard practice and the primary reason why the IT central was still unfinished. My wife was screaming for help, but I just replied, “No, that’s your problem now, I am busy” and locked the door. To say that it wasn’t popular, is a slight understatement. But sometimes you must make a choice. Take a hit now or suffer death by a thousand cuts. I chose the former. And it was a good choice.

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A lesson from physical labor

Last Saturday I spent digging around 15 meters of network cable in the ground. The only thing that remains now is to make a wall pass-through and install some wall outlets in the houses and then finally, all our houses are hard-wired with cat6 cables. It’s something that I have been waiting to do since we moved here, to get rid of the shaky Wi-Fi connection. But you must always rank-order your work and it took me four years to execute more important priorities before I could start solving this simple but highly annoying problem. And it felt so good to put it all back together. When I was done, it really struck me that there are few things that feels more satisfying than to complete some proper physical labor, to the degree that you can raise the “mission accomplished” sign.

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Through the eyes of a three-year-old

features, but the Carl Zeiss lens is still a very good lens. Thus, with the right person operating it, it can still produce some seriously beautiful pictures, even if it has limited monetary value today. My son has been showing interest in photography for a long time. On our forest walks, he stops me all the time and tells me “Dad, you must photo that” on just about every flower we pass. I think I have most of the Swedish flora in my iPhone by now. So, I thought to myself; Three-year-old Elis will probably have a ton of fun with it. Why not give this old high quality compact camera to him and see what he comes up with? I couldn’t stop smiling when I was glancing through the SD card when he was done with it.

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The purpose of writing

This is the 140th week that I publish a blog post and I have finally figured out why I am doing it. I had no clue when I started what the purpose was, but I always knew it would come to me eventually. That, and the fact that I have become a better writer compared to three years ago, which is a useful skill no matter how you look at it. I am writing these blog posts to my kids. It is a one-way communication from my past self to them when they (perhaps) read this in a couple of decades from now. By summarizing the most important ideas I have been thinking about the past week, every Monday evening, the project has now become a journey. And a kind of time-machine, which now makes it 10X more enjoyable.

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Just do it!

A couple of days ago, me, my three-year-old son and my dog decided to put up a tent and spend the night outdoors. Easily the best decision this year. We simply put up the tent on our backyard. It doesn’t have to be more complicated than that. I had the best nights sleep in a long time. It is amazing how much the environment affects your sleep. The sound of clashing waves paired with singing birds is as natural as it gets. Combined with the sunset and sunrise you have your alarm clock figured out as well. I haven’t felt more alive in ages.

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Lessons from parental leave

Tomorrow starts my third week of 100% focus on dad duties. It’s been an interesting time, and a fantastic boot camp for learning better micro-management skills. No matter what task you are trying to accomplish, the only person that can have your back every single time is your past self. Preparation and Routines are crucial. From breakfast to dog walks, you won’t have time to look for misplaced stuff. I have found these weeks thoroughly enjoyable, and it has been the perfect healing that I badly needed for my soul.

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Changing habits, changing focus

A month ago, I passed a thousand published videos on YouTube with at least one daily upload for about 2,5 years. It was not only the video publishing that got put on hold, but also work. I am now on parental leave for the first time, and it has been very relaxing to combine it with a “social media de-tox”. The mind is a fascinating machine, and habit formation is basically how to rewire your brain into certain patterns, depending on what you want to achieve. The things you do every day become insanely powerful, no matter how small they are. It all adds up exponentially in the long run. It is a good thing that the video production gets some rest for now. I am way too busy creating new habits with my boys.

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When to break the rules

Last weekend we celebrated midsummer at my parents and all the relatives. Our boys put big smiles on everybody’s face, but especially my grandmother, who now has great grandmother on her CV. She also celebrated her 90th birthday on Saturday which coincide with Midsummer, which is a big Swedish holiday, so we had a nice celebration. When the dinner was over, and it was bedtime for the little boys, 3-year-old Elis was nowhere to be found. We looked and finally we found him with great grandma, who had already gone to bed. She was watching TV and Elis had cozied up in the double bed sofa next to her. And when I told him it was time to go to bed he just said. No dad, I am sleeping in THIS bed and watch TV. Great grandma had zero objections. We don’t see each other that often because we live in different cities. I noticed the biggest smile I had ever seen, literally, on great grandma’s face, when she finally had the opportunity to just be together with him. This was clearly one of those occasions when rules had to be broken. I just laughed and said, OK, you sleep here that’s perfectly fine. I also noted that Elis eyes were very tired, and minutes later he was snoring. It was the best 90th birthday present ever.

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Mental bloatware and the remedy

It is a good idea to completely wipe your computer occasionally, because it tends to clog up with all kinds of bloatware with time no matter how good care you take of it. And after a complete format and reinstall, everything feels 10X snappier. I think our mind has some similarities with this principle. I’m not that old yet, but I am starting to see a pattern in my own life history when my mind became so full of “bloatware” that the best way to sort it out was a reinstall of the “operating system”. In the case of the mind, that could mean a long vacation and/or change in environment so that the mental flywheel of the mind can come to a complete stop (it takes a lot of time). Only then can you give it a proper service and grease the bearings.

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Why the why is important

The famous quote by Nietzsche: “He who has a why can bear almost any how” is a personal favorite of mine. Last weekend I was reminded of the why in a rather funny way. My wife, who also is a motorcycle rider, mentioned on the fly that it might be time to consider a mini 50 cc dirt bike for our petrol head son. Time flies. I used to love motorcycles. Around ten years ago, >20 000 km per year was an average season for me. But since becoming a father my offroad bike has mostly collected dust. It’s not that I don’t enjoy it anymore, but the problem is that it is not an activity that can include my family. Riding the bike is a solo endeavor. However, when my wife planted that PW50 seed in my mind, I instantly visualized a new timeline where the motorcycle passion might enter my life again but in a different format.

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Take a walk

Last Saturday, I was going to take my dog out for a short night walk before we all went to bed. It was the last task of the day and everyone else had already gone to bed. Me and my dog were the only ones awake. We started walking towards the forest and everything was illuminated by a full moon, and the temperature was around zero degrees – very comfortable. Once my eyes got used to the moonlight, I didn’t really need my headlamp to see so I turned it off. We kept walking and after a short while we had entered a forest road with no houses or civilization in sight. The short walk ended up being the longest walk I’ve had in a long time. We just kept walking and I loved every minute of it.

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Prioritize and Execute

Life as a consultant can often feel overwhelming, and I have certainly felt just like that for a couple of months now. However, when things feel rough, I think about the books I’ve read by Jocko Willinck, where he lays out the concept of Prioritize and Execute. He tells stories from his war deployment where one of his teammates falls and is badly injured, while they come under assault and must deploy their machine gun instantly. At the same time, a thousand other things happen and there is only time to do a couple of them… I think you see where this is going. There is no way on earth that consultancy work can come even close to that pressure (even though it can feel like it). And still, Jocko and his team survived using the only method available. Rank-order the list of tasks that needs to be done and start to tick them off in order of importance. What else can you do?

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Discipline equals freedom

The sun painted everything golden all the way to the horizon. As far as the eye could see, there was ice. My son Elis was riding his Stiga Snow Racer pulled by our dog Jussi. The three of us were on a round trip on the ice around a nearby island, with the sea as a backdrop. That morning, my son woke up at 05:44 which had interrupted my morning routine. But what an interruption! It was one of those mornings that you only get a handful of throughout a lifetime.

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Career or Kids?

Tonight, when I was reading our daily bed-time story to my three-year-old son, my eyes teared up with joy. It is without a doubt the best part of my whole day and I am so grateful and blessed to have this daily routine. You have little kids for four years and then it’s GONE, never to return. And you miss it at your own peril because it is the literal definition of “peak life”.

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A simple Valentine’s Day

Last Saturday I finally tested positive and started acquiring my natural immunity. Knowing that everyone on the planet will get it sooner or later, I was relieved when the two lines showed up after inserting a tops half-way into my brain. So nice to just get it over with and leave this whole insanity behind us. The sickness has been a walk in the park. One of the mildest colds I have ever had. But the week was quite tough anyway due to the lack of sleep. My sleep account was already running dry, and when both boys got the fever and kept us up at night, the whole situation felt more like a bad hangover that went on for a week.

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Things are only free if your time has no value

A couple of days ago, winter arrived in all its glory from one day to the next. It dumped a lot of snow in just one day, and the ice on the sea started to form. However, with snow comes the need to displace snow for walking paths and accessibility. There’s nothing wrong with getting some physical exercise, but a snow blower can be a wonderful companion throughout the winter season. Unless they suffer from gasoline incontinence, like my trusty companion developed last spring.

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Don't miss it

The company Kodak had a slogan many years ago – The Kodak Moment. That was a very good tagline that meant that the best photos aren’t the ones that are staged and prepared. The best ones are taken in the spur of the moment. Because they are real. The picture you see here is one of those moments. I was visiting my great grandmother this weekend with my family, and when I was playing around with my son I looked out through the window and the view stunned me. The lake was literally 100 % calm, like a mirror. Not a single ripple on the water. I knew instantly that this was a picture that was to be taken now or never. So, I grabbed my phone and took the shot right through the window. It turned out pretty good. This is one of the best things about modern smartphones. A great camera is always nearby when you need it.

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You had ONE job

This weekend we decided to go all in on potty training our son. The plan was simple. Bring out all of dad’s old Legos and just play with them and observe and act when necessary. It worked very well but there was a small bump in the road. You will be hard pressed to figure out which one of us had more fun with the Legos. I remember thinking to myself, whatever you do don’t let him pee on the carpet. Seconds later, I turned around, and he hasn’t just peed on the carpet, but right in the middle of the poor old instruction manual… I had so much fun building Legos down memory lane that I completely forgot my important job.

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Road trip

This last weekend I experienced freedom of a kind I haven’t felt in years. I went on a road trip with my 2,5-year-old son Elis and my Labrador Jussi. I had been looking forward to this trip and been prepping the whole week. Elis is now old enough that he is no problem at all to travel with. And he loves anything with an engine so long car journeys are pure fun. We would spend the night south of Luleå at my friend’s house. After a quick stop in Skellefteå where we both had a smoothie as a snack something unexpected happened, that made the road trip even more enjoyable. Around 21:30 Elis suddenly decided to replicate Gary´s puke scene from Team America in the front seat of my car.

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Peak life

One of the things I enjoy about being a civil engineer is that there is a custom in Sweden that everyone in the business goes on vacation during the three weeks 29-31. In practice, this means that the email and the telephone is completely quiet for three whole weeks. I don’t even have to turn off my work phone or put it into flight mode. And the best part is that my second son arrived precisely two weeks before the building vacation, which meant I could grab my ten days of parental leave and connect five whole weeks with my family. Peak life. However, there was a couple of dark clouds on the horizon which I couldn’t get rid of until this last Friday.

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